I can't fit into my jeans - 19 months on... March 24, 2016 16:24

So I decided to do a spring clean today - I've outgrown, both literally and figuratively, most of my clothes.

Gone are the days of mid-riff bearing crop-tops, which I used to wear whilst visiting multiple alcohol-driven establishments. 

Gone are also the days of silk/dry-clean only tops, because my son has quite the knack for soiling my clothes.

Oh and also anything that has a V-neck that's 2 inches below the collarbone, because my son will somehow pull my top down and I will inadvertently flash the world.

And of course, how can I forget, my super skinny jeans. My faithful super skinny Topshop jeans - they have seen me at my best, and my worst. Our love affair spans over a decade, across several continents, and outlasted some of my relationships.

But I can't fit into them anymore. I have to get rid of them.

So this blog post will be dedicated to my navy Topshop Leigh jeans, which I bought in the UK during my first year there at University.

Of course, in the years that have past, my weight has fluctuated. I used to be scale-obsessed so whenever my jeans got tight and the numbers went up, I would diligently diet and make sure I dropped the weight and lose the muffin top.

Getting older (and hopefully wiser), I gave up on the number game (on the scale) and focused on trying to eat better and healthier. Of course, here and there, my jeans would get more snug than usual, but I would amp up my exercise routine and basically lived by the rule of "moderation" - that everything in moderation was okay. For a long period, I didn't even bother to look at the scale.

I want to say that my journey with fitness over the years, has been a very positive one. Not just exercise, but understanding how certain foods can affect my body, impact my work out... It has evolved to become a lifestyle. It's no longer about chasing the next fad diet or meal plan, or trying the new trendy workout. I try to be consistent whilst having fun - basically, "moderation".

I promise I will get to the point real soon, hang in there.

I felt like I had finally found a great balance and was in tune and understood my body. 

Then, I GOT PREGNANT.

You literally lose control of your body, and there is nothing you can do. I remember, feeling sick the entire first 14 weeks, wanting to sleep 23 out of 24 hours of the day... It was crazy. And of course, gaining weight is a part of it. I remember getting really worried towards the end because I had gained more weight than I had anticipated.

Suddenly, after my son was born, I became obsessed with the scale again, for the first time in years. I gave myself 9 months to lose the weight, because lets get real - I took 9 months to gain it. 

After about 11 months of exercising and eating in moderation, I got back down to pre-baby weight. But I can tell you, my body has changed, totally.

My "fats" have gone into hiding at different parts of my body - they now reside at an area that was totally lean and tone before pregnancy. Of course, with specific work outs I can, in time, eradicate this issue. But my point is that it's so crazy how your body changes and stores fat and muscles at different places.

Also, my hip bones have shifted and they are now wider. No matter what I do, that is something I cannot change. And I have come to accept it.

So, what am I trying to say, having written all of this?

Being a mother has changed my life, on so many different levels. Mentally, emotionally... my lifestyle, my mindset, and my body. 

My jeans serve as a reminder of the person that I used to be. I loved who I was before, but, I love who I am now, even more. 

I am many different roles, and my life has evolved - a daughter, a wife, a student, a leader... but first and foremost, I am a mother.

To all the other mothers out there - give yourself some time, some teething period, to get used to it. I remember how hard the early days were when my son was born. My body might have taken 19 months to "normalize", but I think my mind honestly took a little more. That being said, over time, I am definitely "in the groove", and loving it.

So goodbye, my beloved jeans. I hope you find a better home.